go here for now...Here. In my Head

hi. I haven't typed you in awhile. I'll be back when I get home to type about all that has happened.

I felt weird last night and the night before. I'm being emotional again. I have been going to bed later and later each night. I just don't want to go to sleep because then I know that I will have to wake up. I saw an essembly yesterday at my school and the people kept on talking about how they want us to follow our dreams and that they believe in us and stuff like that. They said champions never quit. i guess that boots me off the list.

I do realize that I do quit. I give up for some reason probably because I don't care. It's like I have no feelings and that I am hiding them inside. I don't know why I just don't get clean and new. I feel all yucky inside and the outside. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe I'm just sad that spring break is over. Maybe I really am depressed. Maybe I'm normal. I don't know right now, but I do know that I will grow up and move on. I really need a better life. I need to start right now. Maybe I'm lazy. I guess I should get some sleep tonite.

I'm scared. I know I'm scared, but does he know I'm scared. i want to, but I can't love again. I don't think I could ever love fully again. i hope he doesn't say that he loves me. maybe it's wrong and maybe it's right, but I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to date. i don't want to be alone. It's right and then it's wrong. I shouldn't hide my feelings. but I will anyway. I hide. It's what I do and maybe always will do until someone finds me. Someone find me. I need to stop searching. I need to stop. Stop.

I'm that girl with the pale green eyes and dirty blond hair reading. I 'm that girl that's too scared to speak. Too shy to show her true style. I'm that girl biting her thumb while she nervously thinks. I am something you don't see.