I am leaving the internet lifestyle for a while and I am going to really think about things. I need a month to think, breathe, learn about myself. I advise anyone who is reading this to do the same. Go outside. The fresh air is waiting for you. I am not really proud of myself the past few days. I have been lazy, selfish, and uninteresting. I realized I need a life. A life I can really be proud of. The interenet I found out is something I don't really need in my life. I sure love writing in this journal though. It helps me a lot. I will miss typing in this thing for a while. I am going to go back to the old writing it all down on paper. I am thinking in the back of my mind right now that I don't think I can survive without the internet for a month. I've done it for a week. It will be hard. Especially a month. Maybe I will fail. Maybe I'll be on tomorrow. Maybe I will succeed. I realized that the internet is just a bothersome. Something holding back the things I really need. The internet is easy. It doesn't have any purpose except for information, communication, and expanding. Right now I don't need any information. I am getting bad communication from people I know on the internet. The internet has caused me to spend money. The internet has caused me to feel bored. The internet has lead me no where except to feel sorry for myself. The internet is not needed. Just for information really. It will be really hard for me to stay off of this thing for a month. I know I can do it though. I will miss out on Catherine's thoughts and new adventures. I will hopefully grow and learn something. I need to be me. Healthy and happy. I promise that if I fail I will type something in this thing to show that I have failed. But from now on, I won't be back until August 27th. Oh boy that's a long while. Wish me luck. God bless and good night.

I had a wonderful day yesterday and a wonderful morning today. I'm happy again.

Apple-Porn!!
hehe....
That's just a little joke I have with my friends.

Who am I?
Name: Angela Joy ______
Nicknames: Angie, Ang, Arizona Jean Company, Foot Dr., Tipsey
Birthdate: December 18, 1984
Job: American Pie (Pizza)
Likes: My friends, family, writing, reading, music, art, colors, internet, basketball, softball, food, hot baths, mornings, making someone laugh, pigtails, plaid, going to kid movies, keeping my face clean, kisses, guys with funky color hair, red heads, looking at the stars with my dad, my kitty, blowing bubbles, dancing by myself, talking with my my best friend, the rain, and being happy.
Dislikes: Mean people, smokers, "pretty" guys, pea soup, going to the doctor, and other stuff

It's weird to not flirt. I don't consider myself a big flirt. I mean, okay, I do laugh at some jokes that I don't think are not funny. Basically I don't think I have been true to myself. I haven't been pure enough. I haven't been honest enough with people. I've been fake. Makes me think of my mom. My sisters and I always make fun of how fake she is with everyone. But how do you not laugh at someone's joke?

by the way, if anyone feels as lonely as I do....please e-mail me at ThinkfulAng@aol.com

I feel so alone on a Saturday Night. I have no one here right now. Nobody is home. I can't call anyone. No one. I keep thinking about Nathen again and how if I was still with him...I wouldn't be like this. I hate this feeling. I am stuck. I really want to call Liz but I can't. I called my "boyfriend" that hasn't talked to me in a week and no one was there. I called my very good friend Ryan and he wasn't home. I am so....ahhhhh!!!!! I think I might go crazy tonight. I want my parents to come back. Is this what it feels like to be alone in the world?

Yea!!!!! My parents are home!!!! bye bye

Twisting my hair and thinking...
Woke up early today. Felt good. I deposited money in the bank and got a haircut. Came back home and watched The Cell. Made me kind of out of it. I feel like sleeping. Oh yeah...I forgot to tell you that I had my last day of summer school the other day. Well, yesterday. I don't sound very excited right now because I am tired, but really I am glad it's over. I am kind of sad that it's over, too. I had a lot of nice interesting people in my class. But it's over!!! Well, looks like I am going to take a nap.

Oh yeah, that reminds me I had a really weird dream last night. It was about I got a part in the play at my friend's school and Nathen was in my dream with this other girl. It was really messed up...(yawn) that's it, hitting the pillow.

Listening to Radionhead...thinking about red...red apples for some reason. Thinking about painting my toes a funky color. I miss talking to Liz. It's funny that I'm going out with someone and he won't even call me. I haven't talked to him for a week. That's it, I'm staying single from now on. Bullshit.

I actually woke up early today and I like it. I think I am going to wake up early more often. Anyway, I started actually reading a book, it's called A Separate Peace by John Knowles. I only read the first chapter, but it seems really good so far.Today I am going to a festival with Eddie and we're also going to see a movie. I am really happy because I haven't done anything interesting all summer. I'm finally getting off my ass and doing something!!!! But anyway...okay I need to stop saying "anyway" except it is going to be really hard. I am also glad that I started reading a book. I wanted to do some summer reading and yet I didn't start reading until now when summer is half way through. Oh well, at least I started. More later.

Wasting away again in Margaritaville...

Sorry, just really out of it today. I haven't done anything yet today. I think I should probably take a shower and do something with myself today before it is over. I don't want Sunday to come. That means the next day I have to go to school and work heavily. I want to keep my great A+ in American History because I don't think I have ever gotten an A+ in a class before. Well, okay, maybe I have. Anyway, growing, learning, tired, yawning, thinking, and dreamy. Time to get off my ass and do something before I start going crazy. Too late I think.

I really like the names Trinity and Maggie for girls....

anyway I am up late again. Who cares....my parents. I just feel like typing some random thoughts. I really want to be clean. Really clean. I'm a girl. I am really confused on who I am. My style is boring. I'm a plain Jane, and a TV junkie. I like ice cream. Ben and Jerry's. I like the color red exept I don't look good wearing it. My three basic music types I like: Classic rock, pop, and alternative music. I love the Beatles. I like old things. I like the three stooges. I like red hair. I like guys that color their hair funky colors like blue or green. I really like the way punks dress. I really like poetry even though I don't write or read it everyday. I like the feeling of dancing when no one is around. I like band geeks. I like girls that sing and play the guitar. I like the sound of my sister playing the piano. I like it when my parents act like kids. I like art. When I was little I wanted to be an artist. I like typing random thoughts in this journal and in my written journal. I don't like talking to psycologists. I haven't talked to one before and I never will. Maybe I need one. I like my cat. I like her plain name. I miss my old dog. I miss his cute eyes and sleeping with him curled next to me at night. I hate smoking. I have smoked. Gave me a sore throat. I like my mom when she's happy. I love my dad when he looks at the stars at night. I love myself. I'm just mad at myself sometimes.

Please rain.
by Me

I want it to rain.
I really miss the smell of it all.
The clean.
I want it to be new again.
I really miss the freedom.
The flying.
I want it to shine.
I really miss the little things.
The joy.
I want it to drive me crazy.
I miss the excitement.
The ride.
I want it to slow down.
I miss the quiet.
The silence.
I want it to sleep.
I miss the reality.
The dreams.
I want me to be somebody.
I miss the real me.
The girl.

I broke his heart he says, but he doesn't no he also broke mine....

Anyway, just felt like saying that. Talking to the wonderful Eddie late at night again. I really enjoy talking to him. He is really funny and we get into interesting topics. I hope Liz made it safe and sound in Oregon. Her plane better not have crashed other wise...I'll have to die too. Sounds like fun. Anyway, work was fine. I'm really kinda tired. I want to do a lot tomorrow, but I don't know where to start. My parents are going to be gone. Yes! Sorry, I mean, yeah...I'm really going to miss them. I mean it will be good to get away from them for a little bit. I deal enough with a bunch of their crap. But anyway,...I don't know if I like him or it is just those weird feelings again. I don't know if I'm in love with him or him or him or him. There are so many and yet they are all different. I don't think any of them are really truelly in my dreams. I don't know. People are probably thinking what the hell I'm talking about. I'm just confused. Anyway, life is peachy. It really is....boy I want to say something, but I don't know what I want to say. Does that make sense. I'm just fine. boring. tired. and yeah.....that's about it.....

feeling so free...

I just read Catherine's blog entry and she said she does yoga. I think that is really cool. I've always wanted to do stuff like that, but never really had the motivation to do it. I'm not really flexible either, but she said it was really relaxing which is maybe something I need. Maybe it will just put more stress on me.

Liz is leaving tomorrow for Oregon. I don't know what I am going to do without her here. I won't really have anyone to hang out with. I really have had a great summer with her so far. We have talked a lot about so many things. I really feel comfortable when I talk to her. I feel like I have nothing to hide. She really is such a wonderful person. I guess I will have to find things to do on my own. I really need to start reading books and acomplish my summer goals. I think I forgot most of them. Bad sign.

Anyway, I have been working a lot. I also have been getting a lack of sleep because I have been going to bed late everynight. It's not really good, but I guess I like staying up late. I also have been wanting to go on a diet for some time, but I am procrastinating again and just lazy. I really have been wasting my summer away. I need to do something before school starts other wise I will be very disappointed. I want to exercise, diet, read and go to 6 Flags, but I don't think that's going to happen. Anyway, sorry for the boring entry. Maybe something interesting will happen tomorrow, maybe not. Just wait and see.

I changed the title of my blog because I just love that feeling of being in the rain without an umbrella. Just walking in the rain. Dancing, singing or whatever when the sky is breaking. It's that blissful feeling you only get by chance. You can't create it. The sky provides it for you. I no I'm not the only person on this earth that loves the rain. It's clean, fresh and afterwards...the sun comes out and everything is peaceful. It's like how I feel right now. My life is raining, sad, and I can't control it. Then the sun comes out and everything is fine. I'm sorry I'm getting all serious and dreamy. but who cares?

I have a lot to do today so I am not going to say much. Yesterday I went to the movies with Liz, Eddie, and Tim. We saw Kiss of the Dragon. It was an okay movie. Some parts were really different and had a style to them. I mean the moves that guy in the movie made. Anyway, I have good news. I am getting a 101% in American History as of right now. I am so blissfully happy because I know I have been working hard and plus there are a lot of smart people in my class that usually get like 4.0s. I was the one of 3 A+s! I am sorry it's just really weird.

Anyway, I am really having an interestly boring but exciting week. I can't describe it. It's like a dry, happy, but beautifully spent week. I know I'm confusing you, I'm confusing myself.I just have to clean my bathroom, which I have been putting off many times. Again, I have been thinking about this new life for me thing. I want change myself around, but I don't think I can do it. I got really depressed walking home today because I saw Jackie playing basketball. I miss it so much. I like playing, I just wish I was better at it. I just want to be clean. I feel clean, but not clean enough. Being clean for me is being optimistic, realistic, genuine, smart, understanding, and morally perfect I guess. Not morally perfect, just better morals I guess. I like being happy with myself, but at times it's hard. This blog is kind of my pyscologist. It has really kind of helped me a tiny bit. But anyway, life is delicious right now.

for some reason I just feel so beautiful now and yet so ugly. I've been having these issues about my body. Good issues and bad issues. It's actually quite confusing.I want to go on a diet. Healthy diet. Exercise. Lose a couple pounds. Okay. I know what you people are thinking. don't push is. This is what I want to do. There is this certain look I want and I know I am going to get it. I am going to try and push myself not to eat junk food. I don't know when to start because really right now I am so hungry for American Pie pizza it isn't funny.

I love my hands...they always express how I feel. When they have scars... I'm torn. When I take care of them...I'm happy.

I feel kind of weird. I'm half awake. Dazed. I'm happy, but sad. I feel good though like life is just so beautiful and that what am I going to do about it. I read some of a girls blog and she said that we should really find the things we want to change. We should look at our lives and find the things we don't like and change them as soon as we can. I really want to change. I have though a lot lately about becoming a Junior. I can't pictue it. I think I should keep telling myself...I'm a junior...I'm a junior. Anyway, I really want to change all the things I hate about myself. I know then once I change those things...new hardships will pop up. I guess I'm just crazy.

Anyway...I hit my head today. It hurts. But for some reason I don't want to talk about it. I'm just really tired and want to go to bed and sleep! But I feel like typing anyway.

I really want to change my whole life around. I know next year will be different. I want to get good grades, join new clubs, get involved with my friends more, dress better, act better, develop a better personality and just feel better. Last year seem like the worst. Nathen broke up with me, my grades slipped, I was getting involved with the wrong guys, my best friend went to a different school, and I just really depressed and sad a lot. I tried to talk to a counselor and that didn't work. I was just in a big hole.I don't want that to happen again. Anyway, I'll be right back.

Some other stuff that has been going on in my head is about my future. I am not prepared to go out on my own yet. I want to learn how to take care of a house. Do household mommy stuff like laundry, cooking, (I already know how to clean) mow the lawn, paint, car stuff, and maybe even bookwork. Now that I've been 16 for a while and in about 2 years, I might be moving out of the house and be on my own in the cold, cruel, real world. It's a scary thought.
I was also thinking today about TV and how it has been rotting my brain and my time. I can do so much if I just don't turn the tube on. Most teenagers watch more TV than they do homework. I think I should switch that around and do more of my homework and less of the "idiot box." But who knows if that will happen. Right now, the TV is a big habit for me. I could read or exercise instead of watching the TV. I think I watch TV to avoid the important things I have wanted to do all of my life. I think I might be getting lazier.

Another thing on my mind is meditating. My dads says he reckomends meditating even though I don't think he does it very much himself. I think it is a really great idea. I mean I've tried it before and it really calms you down. It helps you focus on the important things in life. Which I think I should be doing instead of wondering what's happening on the TV.

I've been thinking too much. Time to relax.

I have so much to say because my head is swimming in so much thoughts. I want to get them all out in the open and I guess try and remember them later. I have been thinking about my life and how it's been, you know...life. I was thinking about what my style is. I don't really have a style. I like certain things. I don't think I am labeled as anything. I love preppy, jock, punk, and hippie clothes. Then again I never use be really into clothes. I wear normal boring stuff like tee shirts, sweatshirts, jeans, and gym-type shoes. I like normal clothes and then I hate them because they are so boring and they don't tell anything about me. I think before school starts I am going to go on a shopping expedition where I am going to find clothes that are comfortable, my style and no one elses. So far I want to wear more rings, get a striped belt (found one at American Eagle that I liked), hoodies, comfortable stylish jeans, beaded necklaces, make hemp necklaces and bracelets, and these socks I saw in a magazine. I like solid colors...heck I like all of the colors of the rainbow.
Next, I need to figure out how I want my room to look. I saw in my mag a nice clock. I got new posters: Marilyn Monroe, and the Beatles. I also want to get that Starry Night art by Van Gough. I also saw an Albert Einstein poster that I might get. I want to paint my walls some color. I like the colors yellow and blue. But I still have to figure that out too. I also want to get a new comforter, but I don't know what. I saw something hippish in a magazine once, but I have no idea where I would find it. I also think paper lanterns would be really cool to put in my room, I just don't how. Ugh. I want so much. This is going to be a lot of money. Time to save up!!! Speaking of saving money, I still want to buy some cds. I am cd crazed now like my dad!! I just have to keep on thinking that I don't need anymore cds. I have enough already. I have been thinking about getting classic rock cds like The Doors, more of the Beatles, Led Lepplin, and maybe Janis Joplin. I just love oldies music.

Okay, that's all the crazy, style, new me stuff that was in my head.